What about trust? Am I protected from dishonesty by the other party?
Before commencing mediation, I require that both spouses sign an Agreement to Mediate form. This form commits parties to full disclosure of all appropriate information, including financial statements and income tax returns. At the end of mediation, the parties may in addition choose to sign a notarized statement before signing any settlement. The notarized statement declares that they have fully and truthfully disclosed all information concerning assets, liabilities, and income.
I also recommend that both of you review any proposed settlement with your respective consultant attorneys. The attorneys may request further verification of the other party’s statements before approving the settlement.
The above safeguards notwithstanding, you may still doubt the other party’s willingness to participate honestly in mediation. Though very costly the formal discovery process of litigation is often best in cases such as these
Is a mediated settlement legally binding?
It will become so if you wish to make it so. You may take your proposed Settlement Agreement— drafted by the mediator as a Memorandum of Understanding (MoU) — to your respective attorneys for review. Then, if both parties remain comfortable with the proposed settlement, one of their attorneys or a third independent attorney will convert the MoU into a marital settlement agreement (MSA). Both parties sign the MSA. Once submitted to the court and approved by a judge, the MSA becomes a legally binding judgment of the court.
What happens if we can’t agree in mediation?
Some 80% of divorce, family, and relational disputes settle in mediation. Even if you can’t agree on every issue, you’ll probably agree on many and save a lot of money as a result. If you find that mediation isn’t productive, you’re always free to stop and pursue a settlement through litigation instead. Mediation doesn’t diminish any of your rights. It’s a promising first option before submitting to litigation.
How long is each session? How many sessions will it take?
I typically suggest that we block out two hours for each session. In large part, however, I look for feedback from my clients on which format they feel works best for them. Some people feel that shorter sessions help them to stay focused and avoid conflict, while others find that marathon sessions lasting three hours or more are most productive for them.
The process of mediation typically lasts between five and ten sessions although there are cases which take less time and those which take more.
When is the right time to begin mediation?
Now. Experience shows that positions harden with the passage of time and the onset of litigation. For this reason, the best time to begin mediation is always sooner rather than later. That said, many couples commence mediation after starting with litigation as the emotional and financial toll of litigation begins to mount. You can begin mediation either before or after filing your petition, summons, and response with the court
I have a lot of emotion over this. I don’t know if I can sit calmly across the table from thim/her and work out an agreement.
You’re not alone! Most disputes — especially divorce — are steeped in emotion. Some mediators try to look beyond emotion as if it weren’t an inextricable part of your relationship or your dispute. This approach is based on the supposition that mediation is a logical, non-emotional process. In my experience, this approach has the exact opposite effect; ignoring or trying to force emotions to fit some "logical" paradigm often only causes people to become more locked into their positions.
I have over 10 years experience as a psychologist assisting people to channel their emotions in a productive fashion that can help, rather than hinder, the settlement of disputes. However, my role as mediator is somewhat different than that as psychologist. In psychotherapy I work to seek out emotions. As a mediator I don't go hunting for emotions. Nevertheless, I certainly don't avoid them if I feel they will help to bridge an understanding and bring you another step closer towards reaching an agreement. The case of Doug and Susan described in Step Two on the "How Mediation Works" page is illustrative of this process.
Must we meet in the same room? Can we use our mediator as a kind of go-between?
Direct communication is one of mediation’s many benefits. Litigation, in contrast, isolates parties, rendering them unable to communicate their views directly to one another. With this in mind, I try to emphasize joint sessions in which both divorcing spouses are in the same room together. However, there are the rare occassions in which I may that feel you are best served by breaking a joint session to meet privately with each of you. With your consent, I may also use these private meetings to act as a go-between if that approach appears to be the best way to facilitate a resolution
What qualifications should I look for in a mediator?
Your mediator should be a professional mediator who has completed a formal training program in mediation. I have a bias towards mediators having a degreed background in psychology or communication because a successful mediation depends so strongly on those factors being recognized and handled in a skillful fashion.
While there are a number of attorneys who are mediators, please keep in mind that mediation is distinct from the adversarial process of litigation in which attorneys are trained. Mediation is a communicative process, not a legal one and attorneys acting as mediators are not allowed to provide legal input because of the conflict of interest that would be involved in doing so.
What about trust? Am I protected from dishonesty by the other party? 
